I am so annoyed.
I talked with one of my counselors today and she really T-ed me off.
I had called her to tell her know what was going on with my DVR IL report.
That was all.
Then she started asking me these questions about what I’d do in an emergency. Half of which she already asked me before, even though her report on me said I have no memory. How did I get my MPA then? And any quick research on my diagnosis (which she has) would tell you IT DOESN’T AFFECT THE BRAIN! She actually asked me if I knew how to dial 9-1-1 in an emergency.
I thought I misheard the question and asked her to repeat herself. I’m sure she’ll put I am deaf in her next report about me. Doh!
Do I know how to dial 9-1-1? I’ve been taught that since I was like 3. I can dial and she knows that — I’ve called her before and I was obviously alone…
Yes, that question pissed me off.
And yes, I told her I was oissed.
She has spent hours with me. She knows darn well I have a brain.
Why must I prove myself to everyone? 5 year olds know about 9-1-1!
Why is it all the sudden my problem that I can’t get a job? Why do I keep having to prove my mental capacity and my mental health? This isn’t entirely my fault! I used to blame myself for everything. I had to wait for a new wheelchair. I couldn’t get a ride to the bus station to get to an interview. I believed the lady at the US forest service that promised me a job and waited 4 months to get a no. I was stupid enough to volunteer months/15 hours a week and get nothing for it.
Yep, it is useless to blame myself. It never was all my fault. Partially, yes, but not all.
So, this makes me cry. Wouldn’t 5 years of this crap and frustration make anyone cry? I truly thought I was depressed. I went to my doctor…I asked several friends that I have cried to at this what they thought….and you know what they all told me? I wasn’t depressed, I am frustrated…
And I felt even more frustrated then…
I just hate people.